FADE IN: Pregnant and possibly tired-looking WOMAN sitting on subway train, reading book, minding own beeswax. ENTER (cue from Conductor: “Pleastancleardaclosindoors”): Nice-looking YOUNG CHAP, carrying two obviously-heavy, delectable-smelling canvas bags. YOUNG CHAP hauls bags to seat near WOMAN and places bags on seat, then remains standing over the bags, as if on watch over them. WOMAN: (sniffs bags while trying not to look as if she’s sniffing them) Yum. [Director's Note: If we go with the "Ally McBeal" version of this scene, we'd like the FX dept. to create a live-action version of that thing from old cartoons, where a smoky-looking plume of a delicious smell drifts toward a character, turns into a beckoning finger, hooks the character by the nose, and gently lifts the character from her seat. Possible to do with small FX budget? Let's discuss.] YOUNG CHAP: Weird question, but do you want a baguette? WOMAN: Um. What? YOUNG CHAP: I’m a student at the French Culinary Institute (flashes student I.D., sort of like he’s in the F.B.I. and not the F.C.I.) and I just got out of the bread-making course. I’m taking some of the extras to a friend who owns a restaurant. But look, I have way too much. (YC opens flap of one canvas bag to reveal a small army of perfect, warm loaves, packed together standing on end like crayons in a crayon box.) WOMAN: (eyes widen) Oh. Oh my. That smells…Oh my. YOUNG CHAP: They’re still warm. (pulls from his backpack an actual paper bakery sleeve, sli…[...]

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Office